So Much

I have not been writing much even though I seem to have so much to say. Today I just have to vent there are so many issues wrong with me right now. Today really started out sad I went to myspace to check messages and saw that one of  my myspace friends posted pictures of a baby dedication it just so happened to be of my best friends baby. why was I not told about it? I have been waiting for the baby dedication since she was born it really should’nt of hurt my feelings but it did.I actually cried this morning. and also now that she has moved I just dont know when I will see her again anyways, its hard to think that I could feel so far away from someone I have been so close to for 13 years. I am probably over reacting I guess I do feel a little left out too I mean after all she has more things going right in her life than I do. but everyone if different and everyone’s needs are different. I guess what I have is all I need right? at least I have a great husband who cares about me. but I do feel lonely I used to have a lot of friends but time goes on and I barely hear from any of them they all have there own lives and family’s to worry about. another issue is having children the more I think about it the more I dont want to and you want to know one of the main reasons having a child is scary? not only would they have to live in this terrible world but I could never be a great mom, how could I ever give a child everything they need and how could I protect them from this place called earth? I am trying my best to be a good wife, worker,friend and how could I possibly add mom to that? well anyways it’s not that I hate life im just sad that something happened to me long ago that changed me, and I dont know if it was for the better, how did I become so un trusting? why can I not let people into my heart? why can’t I  be the friendly loving person I once was?oh well tomorrow is another day things always get better over time.