once again I noticed it has been months since I have written anything. so here it goes I still work at the same place and things are about the same. I am trying to get my life right with God again I have fallen away from him and I miss him. I notice that I always have something to write about but I never actually get around to typing lame huh? lol anyways I am going to go do some laundry:) have a great night my blog.


So after having a px done well actually during I was told well that’s not normal, dr felt a hard mass where there shouldnt be one, anyways that was last friday at first she had told me not to worry maybe it was just my tailbone or something but then today she came up to me and said on second thought I want you to have an ultra sound done im not sure what you have. so that’s next on the agenda didnt i just got over the whole heart thing? oh and since im rambling on about my health my vision  sucks I need to get an exam but don’t have the money.  oh well that’s my life as of lately.

wanting in

so about a month ago an uncle contacted me who by the way has not spoken to neither my parents or I since I was like 3. now he finds me on my space and thinks everything is fine and wants us to meet up with him in august. now whole story is they are mormon we are christian and supposedly he disowned us with most of the family for not being mormon. I don’t really know what truly happened but I do know there has not been any kind of contact. im torn do I go meet up with him and family ive never known? do I really need them in my life?I’m trying to be adult about this I mean maybe he’s dying or something, maybe he wants to get his life straight and say sorry? I don’t know but I really am confused. anyways still a few months left to decide what I want to do…….

no talent

I have come to realize I have many hobbies but I am not good at any of them. that is probably the reason I don’t even bother anymore. I love drawing,painting,photography, the problem is I can’t draw worth anything painting is mediocre and photography is just hard I don’t seem to ever take good pictures, my camera is decent not the best but decent. I do have photo shop but im not good at figuring it out I try playing with it but nothing ;( I guess I bring this up because it frustrates me I don’t have talent in anything. I don’t bother writing poems anymore because my grammar and spelling is awful and besides I have no inspiration anymore. art is something that is just difficult I cant even draw a 3 d box that was basics in art class. and painting is a joke I look at the ceramics I have painted nothing special, and as far as painting on paper since I cant draw I have nothing to paint. I could try abstract but even that looks dumb.  it sucks because my husband has so much talent his writing is perfect,photography is perfect and he is an amazing artist every gift I wish I had he has it’s really really sad I don’t think he realizes just how talented he really is.


So I have my first cardiologist appointment this thursday, good thing because the chest pain is still daily I’m so tired of it. Ronnie thinks I have anxiety, I thought about it but it does not seem like it. I have 1 symptom out of a whole list so I doubt it, but I guess I just want a dx so at least I can fix the problem instead of everyone having their own opinion of what’s wrong with me. On other news I am so irritated ,I’m tired, and I just want a vacation. I feel like I work hard in every aspect of my life and it is not appreciated or noticed. Of course being a christian the only one who matters is God and that he sees your hard work. I guess just like anyone else I just want a compliment here and there.Oh well I didn’t really feel like writing but I havent in so long I decided to write something…have a great day:)


so guess what? we got an offer accepted on a house, very exciting right? well i guess we are going to probably have to back down from it because it will need too many repairs…sigh. I just want to have a place to call home instead of feeling like im living in someone elses space. There are so many pros and cons of owning a home but at least it would be something stable and something to call my own.On other news I am supposed to be going to a cardiologist for my heart soon I don’t have a appointment yet  I have to get it ok from the insurance lame. also what is lame is the computers have been down at work past few days which sucks can’t do anything and work is just piling up waiting to be done. so ridiculous.